Wellness Series – How you can help…To Judge or Not to Judge?

To Judge or Not to Judge – that IS the question!

Do you ‘Judge’ people? Are you afraid of being ‘Judged’? Do you know people who are ‘Judgy’?

The awareness revolving around ‘mental health’ is higher than it’s ever been. However, how many people actually stop to think if they are: 1. Aiding and enabling anxiety in others, 2. Contributing in some (un)known way to someone’s mental health, 3. Being a compassionate support to someone who is suffering, 4. Help someone recognise that they have an issue that requires help?
Anxiety is also at it’s highest. I’m not a psychologist or a trained in the medical field, however, I see many clients who come to me relieve their anxiety. The triggers for these anxieties vary from person to person, but when you look at the bigger picture – you can narrow down the causes to: Social Media, Media – Over Information, Acceptance – Fear of being Judged!

Over Information – Self Judgement

I can relate to the latter 2 – as a mother and having moved to England as an adult who grew up carefree and fun-loving world.
Media – and Over information – as a mother and seeing other mothers who come to me – there is WAY too much information out there to suggest that we can’t be perfect mums/parents! We ‘seem’ to be falling short of something and probably making the wrong choices! Wow! Are we feeding our children the right foods? Too much? Too little? Right time? Wrong time? Have we enrolled them in enough of activities and keeping up with the Joneses aged 3 and 4? Could my child have autism, ADHD or something ominous because they’re taking their ‘NATURAL’, ‘AUTHENTIC’ time in developing speech, confidence, reading skills… etc… (you get my drift)…

Are my peers judging me on my motherhood/parenthood skills? Am I being judged by school mums? Is my child being judged? Does anyone know when the term ‘naughty’ is appropriately used? It used to be a fun adjective, like ‘mischievous’, ‘rascal’ back when I was growing up. Now it’s quite a harsh term for a child being a child having a bad day. Or a child with undetected development issues. It would appear that nothing we new as being ‘normal’ behaviour, ‘normal’ parenting, ‘normal parenting instincts’ are normal any more. We are failing something, somewhere, someone by just ‘being’.

Point at hand

My children must have been around 4/5 years old. They had a class mate who had some issues – that were still being investigated and seen to. Lovely mum who was as much on the ball as one would expect. Sadly I heard other mums harshly judging the child and the mum swearing they wouldn’t want their child in the same class going forward. It broke my heart to hear this about another child as much as it would hurt me if it was my own. Through history we have had children around us who had had some issues – but back in the day – we didn’t analyse them or criticise nor ostracise them. I had to speak up for the child and the mum as well as coached my child that the other kid was NOT NAUGHTY but needed some attention; if he got hurt – then walk away and tell an adult but don’t fight back; be kind; be gentle.

What role do you play?

I ask… how are you contributing to this…? Stop. Take a moment. Reflect. Are you feeding in to this mentality by harshly judging yourself? Are you feeding into this by sadly judging someone else?

Fear of being judged…needing acceptance…

Acceptance – Fear of being judged! Another BIG reason for anxiety. I’ve heard so many people say that they haven’t made specific decision in fear of how they would be perceived. Their action or lack of would only impact them and no one else, yet there’s fear of how this action would be judged by a 3rd party.
In so many ways I have experienced or witnessed some element of ‘discrimination’ here in London. It’s very hard for me to digest or put in to words but here it goes… race, colour, accent – to name a few. Broadening discrimination to where you live, what you do for a living, your education background, schools you select for your children, your social media engagement… etc. etc. etc. … again… you get my drift….

What role do you play?

I ask… how are you contributing to this…? Stop. Take a moment. Reflect. Are you feeding in to this mentality by harshly judging yourself? Do you feed into this by sadly judging someone else?